An (adrenaline-filled) proposition
Think about what’s going to happen during the rest of your day. What are you going to do? Who are the people that you’re going to be with? What are things you might say to them?
Now I’m going to invite you to entertain a startling thought. Imagine that it might be the last conversation you’re going to ever have with those people. What would you say to them if you knew you may never speak again? How present would you be in that conversation? How honest would you be?
Last night I watched a documentary called Fly, about people who put on “wing suits” (essentially an oversized track suit) and jump off mountain tops, falling / “flying” thousands of feet past rocky pinnacles toward a valley floor. It’s the world’s most dangerous sport. Anyone who does it long enough has a good chance of being killed.
And yet there are hundreds of people who do it. Some of them suffer from trauma and PTSD. Wingsuit flying forces them to let go of control and be utterly present in the moment. They want to feel alive, and not just be alive, and this is the only way they know how.
The movie left me feeling like maybe the differences between these “flyers” and the rest of us aren’t as stark as they seem. Being TRULY alive and fully present in the moment can be so hard, and it’s often a scary proposition. We don’t jump off any mountains in our leadership intensives. But within the first hour, we invite people to get fully present to themselves, and explore what it actually feels like to be them – the sensations in their body, the emotions in their heart, etc. For some leaders, even that process feels like stepping off a cliff into the unknown.
When we engage our actors within our simulation, we invite leaders to go in without an agenda; to let go of control and just stay true to whatever is actually coming up for them. That can also feel like a vulnerable, adrenaline-filled proposition that puts them right out there on the edge. And it often helps people feel much more alive, and connected to themselves and others.
I’ve come to believe that our most powerful leadership and our most meaningful moments of aliveness are the direct result of our ability to let go of control and be truly present to ourselves and others. For all the moments we spend on this planet, precious few of them will be ones that we’re truly alive. Too many of them will be on “autopilot,” letting our default behavior patterns and defense mechanisms pull us out of the present moment into some state of performing / planning / thinking, and away from a state of presence and feeling.
But if we can trick ourselves to living more moments like they’re our last … if we can approach our time with each other like it’s fleeting and precious … we will be more present, even when it’s scary. We will be more honest with ourselves and others. More in touch with what really matters.
Even in professional life, I invite you to choose one conversation that you’re going to have at work next week, and really ask yourself: what would I say to this person if I knew I may never speak to them again? If you can follow that guidance, I bet it will be the best and most meaningful conversation you’ll have all week. It might feel scary and terrifying and leave you feeling more connected and alive. And even better, it won’t kill you.
