The hardest and most important place for a leader to be: in the moment.

What do most people do when given the choice between sitting in a room alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or subjecting themselves to a jolt of electricity? According to a 2014 study conducted by the University of Virginia, the answer is literally shocking, but maybe not so surprising.

Letting yourself “just be” and staying present in the moment is a deeply challenging exercise — and it only gets more challenging when we’re “the leader,” and we feel the eyes upon us.

Consider this question: How much of what we call leadership development is a process, not of learning, but of “unlearning”?

Our egos have spent a lifetime internalizing conditioning, crafting and re-crafting the story of who we are, and pushing us to perform for the expectations of others. We learn which performances lead to external validation, further fueling our ego’s drive to speak for effect, protect our image, or hide behind a persona.

But the performances themselves are exhausting. We know, because at a deeper level, we can feel it. It shows up as a knot in our stomach, in a night of fitful sleep, a feeling of emptiness, or some other underlying sense that something is not right.

Collectively, our performances create toxic spaces where vulnerability, realness, and true awareness of the other become nearly impossible. Unintentionally, this performative culture creates a breeding ground for toxic masculinity, white supremacy culture, and other forms of oppression.

However, just below the performance, behind the racing thoughts, is something powerful - a deeper, authentic self that doesn’t need to “think it through,” it simply feels.

It feels it when you are experiencing genuine connection. It feels the power of saying the thing that our ego says we’re not allowed to say.

It feels the compassion we are hardwired to have for all people when we are able to control the ego’s tendency to see “otherness” or “threat.” It feels the peace of mind that comes from living our values and letting go of what we can’t control.

And maybe the best part is: it feels all those things without us needing to do anything, other than: be still and pay attention.

But we don’t mean to make it sound easy. Especially right now. It’s our profound privilege to have the opportunity to help leaders gain awareness of their ego and reconnect with a deeper, authentic self - and the values and the love that reside within that authentic self.

The next time you feel yourself leaving the present moment and retreating into your mind, join us in trying to hit that mental “pause.” Let yourself just feel without needing to put a label or judgement on it.

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