Isn’t that selfish?
Something happens in almost every Authentic Leaders Intensive. Perhaps we’re working with a leader with strong people-pleasing tendencies exploring what it feels like to share their own emotions or needs. Or maybe we’re working with an action-oriented, justice-minded leader that’s experimenting with what it feels like to hold boundaries and listen to their bodies. Or a leader that’s struggling to even acknowledge what their hearts are telling them because it feels like “I’d be centering myself.”
Whatever the case, the question almost always comes up…
Isn’t that selfish?
I think many leaders have been conditioned to have a knee-jerk reaction to looking inward or resourcing their “selves”. In our intensives, women and leaders of color especially share that they’ve been bombarded with messages that steer them away from focusing on “self.” But maybe every leader yearns to be “selfless.”
But what does that actually mean in reality? If you’ve spent time trying to ignoring your “self” and focus all of your attention on others, all of the time, I bet you’ve experienced some of these consequences:
When you’re not truly aware of what YOU are feeling, it’s a struggle to connect with others on a deeper level.
Without listening to your body, you’re constantly giving people your tired self, impatient self, or malnourished self.
When you don’t truly know what’s in your heart, you start to feel rudderless and find yourself constantly torn between competing viewpoints.
Barely aware of your gut feelings, you make decisions that don’t feel “right” on a deeper level and that you come to regret down the road.
Not taking care of your body and mind, you become too distracted to be truly present with people and you lose grasp on what’s ACTUALLY happening (below the surface) in your organization.
So I’m not sure if taking care of yourself is “selfish.” But maybe “selfish”or “selfless” is not the most helpful paradigm. Instead, maybe we can become aware of our hearts and bodies as incredible resources and sources of wisdom, and accept the reality that our hearts, bodies, and minds need attention, maintenance and care. When we allow ourselves to really take care of ourselves, we may become more present with others and more able to see what they’re really experiencing. We may be able to “feel” the pain in a room much faster than we can analyze it. We might experience deeper connections with people when we can share what’s truly in our hearts. And seeing it that way – it doesn’t seem so selfish.
