“Unprofessional” … and why labels can obscure reality

Unfortunately for the people I encountered in my social life, I used to love talking about my school when I was a principal.  Sometimes, when I was going on and on about my school, I would start getting a certain look from people … the kind of look you get when someone is wondering whether you’re in a cult.

While I don’t think my school was a cult, there is a danger that arises when we spend too much time in our organizational bubble – an environment where choices have been made and standards, norms, and labels have been chosen.  We start to lose sight of the fact that the norms or labels that get used within our bubble are subjective, and they don’t speak to a “universal truth” that exists outside that bubble.  

Labeling something makes us more judgmental and less curious.  We might label a person or situation so quickly (“unaligned,” “low performer,” etc.), that we lose sight of what is actually going on FOR US  – in a deeper, more truthful way.  

I’ll give an example that comes up frequently in the intensives that we lead.  

Perhaps a leader is meeting with their team, and someone in the meeting starts to get visibly emotional.  The leader feels uncomfortable hearing about someone else’s emotions.  If they slowed themselves down and got curious, they might ask themselves, “Why am I so uncomfortable with someone expressing a normal, human emotion?  Am I pressuring myself to ‘fix’ them?  Am I suppressing my own emotions and so I’m expecting other people to do the same?” Those questions might help them get closer to true reality.  But what most of us do is default to a reaction and a label. We might say something like, “This is unprofessional.”  Of course, 1,000 people have 1,000 different definitions of what is “professional.”  But applying that seemingly objective label allows the leader to skip over what’s really happening in that moment (they are being triggered by the surfacing of an emotion).

When we’re in an intensive, and hear leaders making proclamations like “this meeting is a waste of time,” or “that doesn’t meet the bar,” it’s always a surefire sign for us that there’s an opportunity to pause and find out more about what that person is actually experiencing – so that we can access the deeper truth of that moment.  

The same opportunity exists for all of us when we catch ourselves reverting to thoughts like “that’s against our norms,” or “he’s a low-performer.”  It’s an invitation to slow ourselves down and get curious.

What am I feeling or what is coming up for me that is making me want to go to that label?   

The answer to that question might help you get more in touch with what’s happening in reality – not just within your bubble.